3/5th of a person

What does depression look like, what does it sound like?

It is during this time that more Americans for some reason or another experienced depression, and for many of them, they do not see the end of the year; as it has been said to me, not everyone will see you in the next year or finished the year with you.

I can say that I know that I am depressed and have been such for over a year, and talking to someone about it would not help. I live my life unable to sleep at night as I find myself up by 3 am just looking into my life, and I feel empty inside. As I said for many, they cannot see this as I do a great job of masking my depression; and I am thankful that I older and smarter than I used to be.

A younger me would look for someone to blame; I would look for someone to vent my pain on. The reason that I am in this position has to do with the fact that I was born to Negro parents, and there is nothing in this world that will change this fact. All the money in the world will not change the fact that to people like Judge Susan Kennedy-Sullivan, CVLS, and David Gotzh, I am a Negro and a 2nd class person that does not have the same rights as others.

I find myself looking up into the sky on my way south, thinking about what has changed in over 100 years in American when it comes to race. The answer is nothing, not a dam thing. Yes, I can ride on the bus, spend my money and go to the movies with my ex-slave master; however, I am still not considering his equal. We both bleed; we both cry, and I am sure that we both love our children.

However, to my ex-slave master, my children's life is worthless to him; he still looks at them and me as 3/5th of a person whom life is not worth a bucket of dog shit. In fact, to my ex-slave master, a dog and cat life is worth more than mines. There is nothing, and I say this with all that I have in my soul; there is nothing that will bring an end to racisms in American. As long as we have an American, we will have those that think they are better solo due to their skin.

Tonight as young children get ready to go to bed with the dreams of opening gifts in the morning I cannot help but think about Zion and the fact that race is the reason that he is not in his home; in his bed; going to bed after he has been up all day trying to court gifts and make sure he has more than his brothers and sisters.

Like children would do he would do his best to guess what he had and he knew that mom and dad were the ones to buy his gifts; however, he wanted to put cookies out; I guess they were for me as I was going to be the one putting anything together. It is these simple things in life that make a child a child; it is the innocent in children that all black children should be able to have. 

What makes their children any better; what makes their son any better than mines? Judge Susan Kennedy-Sullivan talks about a young 12-year-old black boy should not have dreams he should not play baseball like white boys; he should not have dreams of growing up to play baseball as he is just a negro and should be in jail or dead by the time he reaches 18. This is what they do best in cook county; they put young black boys into these boxes where there is no hope.

I want to say that I cannot; I cannot stand with a passion how people love to give toys and bags a food to black children during this time of year. We have such a lack of understanding of history that we do not know where this tradition comes from. The slave masters use to give treats and gifts to the slave during this time to paly this psychology fuck game on them. Beat their ass all year and give them that one day to look for where the beating would stop.

As mental abuse is far worse than physical abuse, as the scars will heal; however, the mind would carry that abuse around and pass it on down to their child. I have been very soft-spoken, and I have done my best to rely on my slave master courts for justice; however, he has taught me a hard lesson; righteousness is not for the negro; it is just for him and his children.