Thursday, August 2, 2018

Race is Real!

''The paradox of education is precisely this—that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated." Today, this was so real to me as we mark the day for one Brother James Baldwin as today was his born day. I look at life from a different eye than when I was in my younger years, and as I get close to what I want in life, I question what my ex-slave master has taught me.
Race is as real as that sun that comes up each day, and the first thing we see is a race. I do not see a man; I see his race first; so, when I talk about race I talk about it from this standpoint; too many I am going to only be an N-Word to them. I am not a father that will have his 3rd child going to college; I am not going to be a man that loves and support his children. They will not see a man who is not only in their lives but talk to them. I have dropped each one off at school, and I have been there with them each step of the way.
So, for me to have to take money that I do not have to save one kind of rubs me the wrong way. A Fact had the Judge just followed the law we would not be here today. Had she not let a racist get into her head we would not be here today, but we are. I do not know the reason yet as this has not played out, but what I do know is that today I might have had a win the war is not over, the enemy is just going to step back and come at me from a different way.
That GAL is a Racist as pure as the during snow and he does not like me as I am that smart azz N-Word, I am the one that did the research to find out that his dad killed a 12-year-old Hispanic girl going to school. Now, I am sorry that these facts do not sound nice, I am sorry that he did not get my memo; you do not muck with a real man and his children. I will give my life so that not one of mines will ever have to deal with the racist crap I have lived with.
I hate that Zion is living a life of hell, I hate that his birth mother was and is too dam dumb not to get that life for her is what it is, she is not going to be any better than what she is now. Money does not buy you class and it sure in hell does not buy you, love. Zion should have been the only thing in life that she should have a look at and said I am proud of. But many do not get this as they cannot think from that of a crazy person, for her it was more than Zion had a life that she did not.
I have all the paperwork on this case, and it is going to come a day that Zion will ask, dad what happen?  I am going to say Zion here is everything you can read it for yourself. He is going to read how she gave him up and only wanted him back due to the fact that she wanted $120. He will read how she took us through hell and back; he will read how she stood in court and said that we could have him if she can get the money.
I told Zion before I left him last that I am going to do all that I can to protect him and I have failed him, as a man, as his father I did not protect him. I let a racist court system get their hands on him, and for that I am sorry. It was my job to do this, I gave my word to my uncle her grandfather that I would give Zion the best and I would never look at him or treat him like he was not loved, or he was not my son; and I have done that, I just could not keep him safe.
I sit here and think what a fool I was as I put my trust into a legal system that lynches a black man for sport. I trusted a justice system that has never been about justice for those that look like me. I put my trust into others to help me when it was nothing in it for them to do such. I have some work to get done for school as this will too pass and I need to spend the next three weeks getting my son off to school, fighting to get Zion back and into school and getting that building done.
Today was a win. But it is not about wins, as in the end, Zion is the one that is going to be mentally scarred from this for many years.  He is being told that we do not love him and we just walk out on him; these are the games she is playing with his mind as she is only a child in her own mind.

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